all these pretty objects i don’t need them but it’s nice to see them i’m glad they exist fill our space with something we can’t miss most people’s talents remain undiscovered run amiss, run amok, run away from what we love because it won’t feed stuck chasing green lights with our tanks in the red our banks in the negative better shit waiting for us outside the screens but we can’t hear it over the screams can barely hear each other you’ve been missing what i mean i’m trying to show you what i’ve seen with no patience to tell it no words to spell it out feel like we need to shout to have our voices heard over the loud absurdity baby, you’re hurting me slow down and listen or you’ll miss me when i’m gone can’t do this alone weight crushing my dome really need a home to rest in and feel safe elated when our people are sharing the space but right now all i feel is it fading away… looking for the words to make you stay when in reality i need to work on being okay with change increase my range of comfort done with feeling done for i’ve done more than mope and i know it even the tiny things with nothing to show for know more about me than i can see when i’m wading through depression away from reality’s shore feel like i’m drowning and more the water’s getting cold been trying to let go of the hope of moulding reality rather just learn to float and scope out well-intended boats eyes open, mouth closed… 

constant escapism feel like fading away wanna branch out and don't know how slipping into the dark afraid i’ll fall apart don't know where to go to because i don't know where to start not sure what i want know so little whole day riddled with anxiety i lie to me i’m hiding frightened pretending mask will save face i hate me i’m trying to love me feel like i can't and i don't care for myself at all (ugh, every night i fall down without fail) and i wonder why i feel like this (it’s dragging me and i don’t know how to maintain) yes, i live in piss set up in my head (or how to keep it in a frame) mirrored in my bed i've hardly moved it's generating thick, boiling poison (that can actually hold up the shit i wanna do with my time) seeping out of my veins into my muscles and bones (feel like i’m wasting it all) it’s taking place i feel it in my face eating away my will to do anything (feel like i'm throwing it to the wind) i’m fighting weight, maintain my thing thoughts of how to end things (like it ain't even mine) like a needle (like what the fuck am i gonna get for it?) that gets driven into my brain (what the fuck this time? like...) whenever i try to lie down and rest (i spent all my energy on people who never) constant looped playback of moments of regret (even began to gave a shit about me) and now i’m just making more of ‘em (just because they're demanding it) what a chore i am (walking up into my space and acting like it's theirs) to everyone around me (and trying to start some shit just because) i’m astounded at how you stand me (they're frustrated with their own lives) and they need somewhere to put that energy and they decided to give it to me guess i just fell into the crossfire man, i just wanna retire from all the noise oh, there’s poison in my bloodstream please don't feed those seeds

i can show you love, baby i know what it look like careful, though watch out for the snake bite! کوشش کرو سوچا کہ وہ کیا چاہتی ہے؟ یا کیا ہے؟ ہر وقت اسی نہیں ہوتا mood which is normal, natural لیکن ہے کہ ہر وقت اس طرح نہیں ہونا چاہئے دوسرے ہر وقت لگتا ہے آپ ان سے ہیں۔ angry یا آپ انہیں اتنی اہمیت نہیں دے رہے ہیں۔ you understand what i'm trying to say?

waited years for it to get better and it finally started to is this even what i want? our families tied now ripping it apart would hurt but this apartment hurts too getting used to the dull pain communication took painful years of work but needed to work on myself first? or part and parcel not like you won't ever make someone angry living in close quarters but these years… these years were bad for my health you can be so mean and then you smile and act nice? i haven't gotten any restless days sleepless nights feel like we don't trust each other done pretending hate feeling like i'm acting i'm always acting barely know myself i'm trying to settle into me learning to ask for help priority to my health picked these tired bones up often times i can't even feel without some music used to meditate on it hours in a day growing brain nowadays i just piss it away on sitcoms i've seen 1000 times i can't blame you i don't even own it i can't condone my own actions and i’m judging yours i hope i can be… hope i can be there for when you need and if i can’t ill weep and hope you find someone just as sweet as you can be to me when i need a hug to get to sleep you help me breathe easy your touch is therapy challenge me to be more than i can see silly little me just hold me, please tightly i’m shaking heart aches if i finally open it up feel it, embrace it reveal it concealing doesn’t heal it just seals it in the demons on your heels i need to feel! need to be easier on myself take care of my heart because it's one of the few holds we have left struggled promises kept tears wept hungry nights slept through somehow it always goes by showing each other how to communicate now (i’ll work) piping up and ask for it even when it's cloudy in my mind and my words are filled with the bitter brine of my pride dangerous holding it inside let it out, don’t hide all the way open and honest trust is hard to find you can trust that i won't, and that's okay you know that i’m working on these things when you kiss me, sometimes it hurts i feel undeserving i might burst i need to let it in thank you for softening my tough skin thank you the longer we know each other, the more it grows that looming insecurity of fuck who knows the foundation that we're building on our rotten soil and lord knows, we toiled the spoils have been enjoyable and i love you and i trust you but it's hard to trust trust frankly i feel fucked so i told you i was feeling this way and you sighed in deep relief and said oh, god i’m the same we had a good week, brought us closer together remind us of the time when i moved to this city after years of only seeing each other whenever we could and it felt so pretty we just stare into each other's eyes on the subway not giving a shit about who's looking we were in our own little world of unconditional hugs and shrugs and tears and years of growth footstool, here we go boost me and i'll pull you up from the gruel to the roses self love and poses like damn we the goldest growing wiser with age sage to the trama from your grandfathers mama better for each other by each other so we're gonna all i wanna do is hold you all i want to do is hold you comfort from the colder weather we got through some storms together

life is locked inside the little things so many of them kill me i cry at everything i feel ill i wanna hide and i will i whittle things until they're nothing but shells i'm a shill for the thrill i fill my bill with dribble and wonder why i can't fly too well? this might be hell staring at the sunrise like i want something from it won't come with me still ain't got shit to say to a starving soul sorry straight silly you slimy snake you sinister waste of space stick with my pace i’m sitting to say stave off the hunger and keep away practice saying no and not taking attackness ain’t the goal, you can’t make it a deep blackness rakes the soul in and drapes it back this braying flow, a gaunt facelift! make it tasteless and face it embrace it gently do away with displacement this is your face this is part of what people see when you plead your case remove the veil from your inward mirror and try not to look away but no race just take your time to say grace and chew on flavors in place it shapes the way you relate to your space i’m not great just small enough to see the lake for the ocean it is you can dive in ‘til this shit won’t end but please don't pretend like you've seen everything no greater sin than locking yourself in life is locked inside the little things so many of them kill me just want to feel the air against my skin and forget where i end and the rest of the world begins i only imagine these things but they feel real when my hands out to heal the deep scars in my nieces psyche but i can't reach her i really don't want to be a preacher on a pedestal pulpit talking bullshit i want to be on the ground turn into all around until i’m found i want to be an example not to fuck around with heavy things drop that on your foot, it’s gonna sting stubborn reminder that life is suffering life is locked inside the little things so many of them kill me and yet and yet i feel more awe from the trees than the buildings? my body is trying to say something i won't listen straight missing the point i feel the balance approaching slowly in a zigzag path can’t always tell if it's moving forward or back and that's just that i yak 'til i crash on the right track but in the process pick up facts and pick up flack for my actions, i’m sorry i’m really sorry got a lot of shit to learn in just one lifetime tryina find my right mind that's why i write lines gotta be on my hind legs when it's fight time ain't working against the grain ain’t no might grind i'ma rest ‘til i see the target in my sightline depression dark, but i’m trying to let my light shine life is locked inside the little things so many of them kill me but some bring me joy ‘til they fill me some bring me joy ‘til they fill me